What Happened?
by voodoobuddha
Summary: Jayne tries to remember what he did while blind drunk.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer - I don't own Firefly or Sublime. If I did, I be a hell of a lot happier. I'd own Jayne Cobb and Bradley Nowell, but I don't. God must hate me.

This? This is songfic. Lyrics are in next chapter.

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It's the migraine that wakes him up. It feels like some _gorram go tsao de hwoon dahn_ is usin' his head for a choppin' block.

Very very slowly he slits his eyes open. He can see his little clock's blurry glow. After a few seconds of slow blinking to clear his vision, Jayne can just make out 1:34. Damn! He's done missed breakfast _and_ lunch.

Being careful of his pulsing brain pan, he eases himself out of bed. After a quick piss, he pulls some shorts over his nakedness and climbs out of his bunk.

The first thing that greets him is a shaft of bright sunlight coming down the hall from the bridge. They must still be on planet.

He contemplates heading back down to his bunk and grabbin' his sunglasses as he curses the sun, the 'verse, and himself for gettin' blind stinkin' drunk. He gives up on the glasses and walks towards the mess tryin' to remember what he did last night.

There'd been a party. He remembers that. They'd done killed some gang that was harassin' this little town and the people were throwin' down on Serenity's behalf. It'd really been River as did most of the work, but Jayne weren't gonna let that stop him from enjoyin' the attention them ladies were throwin' at him.

He'd been drinkin' like there weren't no tomorrow and friskin' a couple a' grateful whores. That's as far as he got before he walked into the kitchen.

The smell of strong pseudo-coffee greeted him and he made for the pot. Kaylee was already sittin' at the table, a cuppa in her own hands. He smirked painfully at her, sadistically happy he weren't the only one suffering from a hangover. The smirk quickly melted away when Kaylee turned and glared at him, hard. Even hung-over the girl didn't hardly ever glare 'less she had a good damn reason.

He wondered what he'd done to make the mechanic hate him so much as he poured his own mug of sludge. Hell, he was still wondering how he got himself back on the boat.

He climbs back down into his bunk to enjoy his coffee in the cool darkness before goin' back to bed and then havin' some hair of the dog.

He gently eases himself down onto his bed only to jump back up, spillin' his coffee and aggravating' his migraine. There's someone else in his ruttin' bed.

He can't make out much in the darkness of his bunk so he goes to flip on the light. With a wince, he flips it back off less than a second later.

He couldn't make out much about her. Dark hair was about as much as he saw. She coulda been anyone of them girls from the night before. Mal weren't gonna be too happy to find her here either.

He reaches up a hand to rub at his face tiredly only to feel somethin' cakin' the whole area around his mouth. Smells like woman.

Jayne looks down at the person occupying his bed. Whoever she is, she ain't no whore. Even drunk he didn't wanna put his mouth were someone else'd had their dick probably minutes before. Curiously he wondered who she was and berates himself for not rememberin' a damn thing about what they'd gotten up to.

Sittin' back down on his bed so as not to squish his guest, Jayne went back to tryin' to remember what happened.

There was some guy, only slightly smaller than Jayne himself, who had decided to take up bein' the peace-keeper. The man _had_ been wearin' a local's uniform. Jayne vaguely remembered throwin' a beer bottle at him cuz the man kept trying to tell him that he'd had enough.

Jayne couldn't help but chuckle as he remembered pissin' in the Doc's drink. The little priss had called it champagne but it tasted like bubbly urine to him. He didn't think the Doc'd notice. He wasn't disappointed neither.

He'd thrown someone's bike into the little fountain in the middle of town, mostly cuz he thought it was funny. Then he'd done stole the mule and drove it 'round town like, crashin' into stuff.

Ah, that's why Kaylee was pissy. He'd done trashed the mule. He'd buy her somethin' real pretty at their next port to make it up to her.

Jayne took off his coffee stained shorts and climbed back into bed naked. He doubted the girl'd mind seein' as how he was nekkid when he'd woke.

He tried to remember the bit with the ruttin' but he only got as far as too-small but prettily perky breasts and long- fingered hands before he cuddled up with the warm body and passed back out.

Right on the edge of sleep he wondered if they'd end up takin' off before he got the girl off the boat. Nah, they were gonna need River for that and she weren't goin' anywheres just yet. Subconsciously, Jayne snuggled tighter.

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go tsao de - dog humping

hwoon dahn - jerk/bastard


	2. Chapter 2

**Sublime - What Happened?**

3, 4

Wake up in the morning,  
Clock says half past one.  
I have no sunglasses  
As I step into the sun

There's no recollection  
Of the evil things I've done  
Head feels like I musta' had some fun

What happened

Last thing I remember  
I was chillin' at a party  
Pinchin' girlys' asses  
I was drinkin' recklessly  
I know I did something  
Lord, what could it be  
Woke up in the morning  
And all my friends hate me

What happened?

What am I doin' here?  
Who is this girl in my bed?  
What is this shit on my face?  
My God, what is that aweful smell?

She may be an angel  
She may be a queen  
She might be black, white, american-indian, or japanese

Threw a bottle at the bounce  
Didn't think that he was cool  
Pissed in someone's drink  
And threw a bike into a pool  
Drivin' down the side walk  
Like a drunken possessed fool  
I broke every single traffic rule

What happened?

What happened?

Let's go

She may be an angel  
She may be a queen  
She might be black, white, american-indian, or japanese


End file.
